There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
