just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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