I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
