I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
