Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
