Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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