That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
