Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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