were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
tonight lets celebrate not being married
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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