Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
