It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
