Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So vagazzling was a success
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
