I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Green mimosas i think yes
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
