she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The beer is more important than you right now.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
