you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
