All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
