In the future we'll all be gay
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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