I love black thongs
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
