I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just want to make out with him forever
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
