She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
