You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
