So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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