I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
