Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
