the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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