i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
