I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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