Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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