i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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