FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
