I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
