i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
