I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
