my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
