I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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