Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think i got beer on your cat.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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