you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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