Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
