You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
