Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
