is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
