Can i not drive my cunt home
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
