i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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