I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
