Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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