I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
