Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
