Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's blow job season.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
