i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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