The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Can I color on your dick again?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
