I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
