Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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