maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
