Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
