Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
