I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
