He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
