How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize