smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
