i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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