I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
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he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
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I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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