I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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