mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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