Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
