Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
