So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Randomize
