If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
