I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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