Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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