Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
