It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
