I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
