my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
