I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
