Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
