I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
