Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I have fence marks all over my body
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
