They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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