The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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