Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
