I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
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i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text