It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum