I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED