If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.