you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize