Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
