Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
