I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
