Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The air was thick with penises
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
