I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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