there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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