So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
