I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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