I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
